Naming the enemy

So I suggested today that we need to name the tumor -the really big nasty one in his lower abdomen. Then we can think of it as a person and metaphorically kick its ass. I know a lot of people have found this to be really emotionally helpful.

First, I thought we should name it after a fellow attorney who is, just like the tumor, ugly, big, useless and evil. Then I suggested naming it after Mike's psychotic cat which is also big, evil and useless, with the addition of being attached to Mike. Not ugly though - this is an adorable cat right up until she's actually mauling your flesh. Only the bloodstains mar her attractiveness.

Anyway, the whole time, he's staring at me in abject hurt and horror. Finally, I realize that I haven't used the word "tumor." I said "We need to name it," pointing down at his lower abdomen and going into my suggestions ... he thought I meant his manbits which, while attached to him,  and a perfectly lovely size, are neither useless nor evil nor ugly.

He still wants to call it his "symbiont." The tumor, not the manbits.

Introduction

Two days ago, we found out that the love of my life has cancer spread throughout his abodomen. We don't yet know what kind it is, but it's apparently bad. As if there were a good kind of cancer. "I have cancer, but it's all right ... it's the kind that gives you superpowers!" Not so much.

This is going to be my place to share my real feelings. Around him, around the kids and our friends, I'm optimistic and cheery. Inside, I'm pissed as hell. I'm selfish enough to be extremely angry that happily ever after turned out to be "Take what you can get." I'm not likely to be cheery, or inspiring; I'm likely to be cynical and blunt.

Also, if you are looking for inspirational stories about the power of Jesus, this ain't the place. I'm not a christian, and I'm not in the mood to hear how everything could be all better and roses if I were. I'm actually a little pagan, though not all that into the 'woo.' However, right now if you told me that there were a Mongolian psychic crystal that could suck the cancer out, I'd probably give it a shot.